My life is currently spread in several different directions, and the happiness and sadness has kind of worked its way across my brain to form some sort of mealy numbness.

On Friday, I learned my best friend's mother had committed suicide. It's one of the most awful, terrible, things that could ever happen to anyone, and the fact that it happened to her makes it so much worse. She's a brilliant, wonderful, vivacious person with a wonderful sense of humor, and I know if anyone has the strength to get through a blow like this, it's her. Still, I hurt for her, and I feel so far away from her.

And really, there's no good way to segue from that statement, so I'm just going to do a clumsy one.

This need to get a new job is getting more and more apparent. The Oregon Ballet Theater (Theatre? They're kind of pishers either way) decided to cut the orchestra's Nutcracker shows from 15 down to 6. For you non-freelancing musicians out there, the Nutcracker is pretty much our ONLY source of revenue in the holiday season, and if you're able to get yourself in an orchestra like this, you're set through this hard season of no weddings and no concerts in other orchestras. Oh, unless they pull something like this. I've gone from one gig away from making it through a rough spring without many jobs to, "Huh - how am I going to pay my January student loans?" It's a big deal, and I don't understand why they don't get that if they call us for a service, we usually have that money earmarked for something.

On top of all this, everyone I know (including myself) is anxious about this election day. In my mind, Obama supporters have far more to lose if McCain wins than the opposite way around. (After all, one of the advantages in America is being able to choose what to do with your OWN body. Seems simple enough.) It's such an important, tense day in American history, and I'll just be glad when I can absorb and deal with the decision.

It's not all bad, as I've made it sound. I'm preparing for a couple auditions in January that I'm very excited about. I'm getting freaking ORGANIZED for these auditions. :) And the wedding planning is still going well - I'm thrilled to be able to host an event where the purpose is to just hang out and be happy. (Well, except for the people we had to cut off the invite list so we could make our budget... they're not going to be happy.)

And, right now, I'm going to go running. It's been great for my body and my mind, to just let my stress wick right off me.