Tuesday, August 28, 2007


I don't want to give you the wrong impression... this city is incredible.

I mean, really. I'm a block from a light rail stop. I'm on the second floor (which gives me a much less chance of being robbed... yet another upgrade from my last place.) And it cools off at night here. No more humidity to hold in the heat until you die.

This doesn't seem to outweigh all my mind has gone through in the past month. Almost exactly a month ago, Tom proposed to me. This made me incredibly happy; I've never known I could love someone as much as I love him. Since I've become one half of a betrothed couple, the following has happened:
-I have packed up my entire apartment
-I've moved across the country from Chicago
-I've driven a Honda Civic with no air conditioning all the way from Knoxville
-I've failed to spend a week in the same place since I moved (unsure of exactly when that will happen)
-I left everyone I came to know and care about for the past two years, and therefore felt like as much of a chump as when I left Colorado

I guess it's not that farfetched to suggest that I'm freaking out a little.

Everything is strange to me. I spent last night alone, in my new apartment, with new sounds and smells surrounding me. I don't think I slept very well, and as it approaches midnight, I anticipate the same problem again. (It doesn't help that the dinner I made for myself tonight appears to be making me sick.) It makes a big difference, knowing there's a pair of arms I can jump into if I get scared in the middle of the night. I never anticipated being so dependent on something... and maybe I'm not, but there's a lot to be said for security and familiarity.

I think I need a stress reliever. Yoga, bubble baths... I need to figure something out to get myself focused and in a routine. Stuffing down bad Chinese food at 2 in the afternoon and then gagging on your comfort food that you somehow managed to screw up - Casey, you're not doing a lot for your mental state.

Whoever this reaches in the ethos - just send me a couple of good thoughts. I promise to send them back to you tenfold... once I get on my feet again.

Thanks, all. Here's to hoping tomorrow proves a bit better!

Love,
me