I'm feeling a little silly posting something like this - it tends to have a little too much overdramatacism attached to it, and I've heard so many comments of "You're so young! Don't WORRY about it!"

I have reached what I think is as close as I'll get to a crossroads in my career path. And it's been a long time coming - my professor in undergrad told me that I seem to be interested in what appears to be a musical buffet, and I can't decide on my main entree. I could teach, I could be in an orchestra, I could play chamber music, I could research. BUT, as it turns out, I can't successfully do all these things. And this bums me out, because I would really like to.

For a few months (which is probably not nearly enough time) I focused sincerely on orchestra auditions. And then it hit me that at the moment, teaching my kiddos is the most rewarding part of my day. I thought "I'll go get a doctorate," and then I could teach in the college system somewhere. But is that actually what I want? Or should I keep pushing ahead with the students I have, trying to get them ready for bigger auditions and better positions? (It may not surprise you to learn that I've grown quite attached to them.) Of course, this also precludes my desire for educational outreach a little bit. Researching and practicing pieces on a theme and then performing a set of lecture recitals sounds absolutely dreamy to me.

It's frustrating as well, because with all my wedding planning (which I'm also enjoying!) I have a mighty full brain. It's close to max capacity, and I think after the wedding, I'll have oodles of free brain space to fill. And yes, I realize I'm mildly comparing my brain to a computer hard drive. It's not an unreasonable analogy.