I ran across this piece of paper during the actual final (!!) phase of organizing our second bedroom. Quotes I had written down from ONE rehearsal at Northwestern. Too funny, and too good to not save electronically.
"French horn, English horn, American girls."
"Something is boiling underneath. It's a stew."
"At F, which stands for 'Florida Natural Orange Juice.'"
"Nature is not cooperating at the moment."
"French horns - I'm praying for you guys."
"I'm sorry, we have a huge COUGH coming from Memphis, Tennessee!"
"Maybe it was just a flukey mistake."
"Harmonics: nobody knows why we have them, nobody likes them, nobody knows how to play them."
"It's very cute what Mahler wrote."
"Give him slap in the face. He deserve it! Some people are bad."
"Those are boots. But they're not Austrian - they're Czech! Great shoes."
"Violas - please look at the freaky note there."
"Six flats. That's not a big Christmas present."
"Don't look at me!"
"I just realized Mahler was illegitimate son of Hindemith."
"I am delegating my authority from France to the trombone section."
"GATHER YOUR FORCES BEFORE VENTURING FORTH!" (He must have yelled this - my handwriting is in all caps.)
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Time on her hands and an America's Next Top Model marathon on the TV was a dangerous combination. The second bedroom had been nagging - nay, SCREAMING at her to get organized. Piles upon piles of paper mess had to be gone through, and things needed to be labeled, reorganized, and in some cases delicately removed WITHOUT the comfort of protective biohazard gear.
Armed with a diet coke, she tiptoed her way in. The room looked innocent enough, but behind those swinging white doors lurked the day project of terror. Faintly, she heard a trace of her only company in the background:
"Girrrrrrrrl, we got TYRAMAIL!!"
Inhale, exhale. It just COULDN'T be as bad as she thought, right? There was no way in except to jump in with both feet. She reached out, touched the handle, and flung it wide open.
"AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
****
Conclusion to follow. (???)
Armed with a diet coke, she tiptoed her way in. The room looked innocent enough, but behind those swinging white doors lurked the day project of terror. Faintly, she heard a trace of her only company in the background:
"Girrrrrrrrl, we got TYRAMAIL!!"
Inhale, exhale. It just COULDN'T be as bad as she thought, right? There was no way in except to jump in with both feet. She reached out, touched the handle, and flung it wide open.
"AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
****
Conclusion to follow. (???)
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Tonight I go to bed with nearly two weeks of unemployment facing me.
I've been told not to freak out, and to enjoy this amazing amount of free time. And I think I will. Cleaning, reading, practicing, gardening, and video games are a few items on my short list.
Of course, who knows how my subconscious will handle the whole thing. Perhaps anxiety ridden dreams of werewolves in suits telling me I will never work again will wrack my brain. (Don't laugh.)
(Okay, laugh. I guess I would.)
No matter what, I have Udi's bagels and Tofutti cream cheese awaiting me for breakfast in the morning. So life can't be too hopeless.
Sweet dreams, everybody!
I've been told not to freak out, and to enjoy this amazing amount of free time. And I think I will. Cleaning, reading, practicing, gardening, and video games are a few items on my short list.
Of course, who knows how my subconscious will handle the whole thing. Perhaps anxiety ridden dreams of werewolves in suits telling me I will never work again will wrack my brain. (Don't laugh.)
(Okay, laugh. I guess I would.)
No matter what, I have Udi's bagels and Tofutti cream cheese awaiting me for breakfast in the morning. So life can't be too hopeless.
Sweet dreams, everybody!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Inspiration
That's the name of the game today. The kiddos all banded together today and I had a record TWENTY TWO students perform at four separate recitals today. I am so proud of each and every one of them. I get the same reaction from many people when I tell them how many students I teach, and they all seem to say, "That's a lot!" "Yes," I respond, "But they're easy."
Musicians are very good at inspiring other musicians. No matter what their age. Every single recital I look at their work and think to myself, "Man, I have to start practicing." This time was slightly different. I looked at their work, and thought, "Look at how much they made out of what I assigned them." It's a challenge, to have someone else tell you what to play and get something good out of it. The students made it personal, which is also something I try to emphasize every day. If you're not up there to make music, what's the point?
And so we come to the manifestation of my inspiration: I want to make something out of somebody else's suggestion.
This winter, I will plan on my next recital... probably around Thanksgiving. And I have no ideas for programming. That is where you, dear readers (and eventually facebook friends) will come into play. My next recital will be entirely suggestions from others. Musician or non-musician, violinist or non-violinist, it doesn't matter. Suggestions may range anywhere from Brahms sonatas to Hot Cross Buns. I want a program given to me, as I have a tendency to trust the opinion of the collective versus what I could possibly come up with on my own. (This is kind of the the wikipedia philosphy.)
A more organized facebook campaign is to follow. Until then, post your ideas in the comments! Bach, Beethoven, or Backstreet Boys - nothing is off limits.
Musicians are very good at inspiring other musicians. No matter what their age. Every single recital I look at their work and think to myself, "Man, I have to start practicing." This time was slightly different. I looked at their work, and thought, "Look at how much they made out of what I assigned them." It's a challenge, to have someone else tell you what to play and get something good out of it. The students made it personal, which is also something I try to emphasize every day. If you're not up there to make music, what's the point?
And so we come to the manifestation of my inspiration: I want to make something out of somebody else's suggestion.
This winter, I will plan on my next recital... probably around Thanksgiving. And I have no ideas for programming. That is where you, dear readers (and eventually facebook friends) will come into play. My next recital will be entirely suggestions from others. Musician or non-musician, violinist or non-violinist, it doesn't matter. Suggestions may range anywhere from Brahms sonatas to Hot Cross Buns. I want a program given to me, as I have a tendency to trust the opinion of the collective versus what I could possibly come up with on my own. (This is kind of the the wikipedia philosphy.)
A more organized facebook campaign is to follow. Until then, post your ideas in the comments! Bach, Beethoven, or Backstreet Boys - nothing is off limits.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Live Blogging from a Gluten Attack
.....except not really.
The attack happened yesterday, from a beloved restaurant I've never had any trouble with before. And wasn't malicious - I don't even bother to mention my celiac-osity to them because I didn't even think there would be a problem with cross contamination. HAH. Won't be making that mistake again. It was vicious, as if they poured flour straight into their guacam - oop, see, I've already said too much. But any future orders from that place will include the words "WHEAT ALLERGY" right in the instructions so no more attacks will happen.
This was the worst gluten-ache I've had since I started the diet. People often ask what happens if I accidentally ingest gluten, and it's hard to answer. When I was eating it all the time, I got so used to the stomachaches that I wasn't really realizing I had them. I can remember constant stomach pain, and I can remember being exhausted after eating. And I used to get sick a lot more often.
I saw an opportunity through the attack to blog about my experience, trying to give people some sort of information about why celiacs INSIST on following this crazy, inconvenient diet. I decided this of sound mind, when I could feel the attack coming on, and decided to start blogging as soon as I got back from the grocery store - a cherry coke is usually the only way I can soothe my poor tummy.
Halfway through the ten-minute drive to the store, I'm sweating and slouching over from the pain. By the time I made my purchase and got back home, I was only able to scrawl out a few notes of what was going through my mind on a pad of paper. Now, 24 hours later, I will try to decipher them for you:
1. "green stomach"
I'll let you just think about this for a second... yeah. I visualize what happens to my stomach, and in my mind, it's clearly turning green. This happens at the beginning, when I'm starting to recognize that my pain is from an accidental gluten ingestion.
2. "dishrag stomach"
Another visualization as the pain increases. It's a very specific pain, and feels as though someone is trying to wring out my stomach, like a dishrag. It's a bizarre, twisty feeling that is very recognizable and much worse than run-of-the-mill indigestion or monthly menstrual cramps.
3. "gagginess - preparing for vomiting"
Although I have yet to throw up from a gluten attack, it's always bad enough that my body keeps this as a good option to take. My stomach goes to work coating my esophagus, just in case. I can feel it at the back of my throat, which sets off my gag reflex pretty consistently.
4. "gassiness"
Self explanatory.
5."unusual midsection noises"
As if my stomach were trying to actually vocalize something, like, "This is not my normal digestion process, because antibodies are screaming at me and I can't get any work done!!"
6. "achy joints and muscles from trying to stop pain"
The pain starts at my stomach, and constantly feels like it's getting bigger. My entire body kicks in to try and keep it contained to my stomach, and the stress eventually makes everything ache, kind of like I'm having an onset of the flu. It's getting pretty bad at this point - so much so that even my handwriting is getting worse.
7. "tired and cranky"
I've obviously written this after I've put myself on the couch. While sleeping isn't easy in this condition, it's something my body orders me to do. The one thing my brain keeps telling me is to shut down my system for a while so healing can happen before I reboot and try again.
8. "chills and worse pain"
This is the last note. I pulled a fleece blanket out from behind a pillow on the couch and shivered in front of the TV.
So the good news is that this whole process takes anywhere from two to three hours. While it's awful the whole time, it's not enough to derail my entire day. But it does make me pretty nonfunctional, and the most incredible thing I keep thinking of is that for 15 years, I lived with these symptoms EVERY DAY.
I'm not writing this for pity or sympathy - like I said, the fault is really mine for not clearly communicating my dietary needs. But I think it's important to try to spell things like this out to people who can't quite understand, and especially to people who are skeptical that food intolerances even exist. (Yup, they're out there.) There are celiacs currently living with the condition that don't know it, and that have symptoms even worse than this. Living with this disease for years can make you a tired person with little energy for anything. Living with the disease for decades can cause people to suffer neurological symptoms like migraines and even seizures.
I'm fine today - if anything, the relief that goes away after an attack is enough to propel you into a fabulous mood.
The attack happened yesterday, from a beloved restaurant I've never had any trouble with before. And wasn't malicious - I don't even bother to mention my celiac-osity to them because I didn't even think there would be a problem with cross contamination. HAH. Won't be making that mistake again. It was vicious, as if they poured flour straight into their guacam - oop, see, I've already said too much. But any future orders from that place will include the words "WHEAT ALLERGY" right in the instructions so no more attacks will happen.
This was the worst gluten-ache I've had since I started the diet. People often ask what happens if I accidentally ingest gluten, and it's hard to answer. When I was eating it all the time, I got so used to the stomachaches that I wasn't really realizing I had them. I can remember constant stomach pain, and I can remember being exhausted after eating. And I used to get sick a lot more often.
I saw an opportunity through the attack to blog about my experience, trying to give people some sort of information about why celiacs INSIST on following this crazy, inconvenient diet. I decided this of sound mind, when I could feel the attack coming on, and decided to start blogging as soon as I got back from the grocery store - a cherry coke is usually the only way I can soothe my poor tummy.
Halfway through the ten-minute drive to the store, I'm sweating and slouching over from the pain. By the time I made my purchase and got back home, I was only able to scrawl out a few notes of what was going through my mind on a pad of paper. Now, 24 hours later, I will try to decipher them for you:
1. "green stomach"
I'll let you just think about this for a second... yeah. I visualize what happens to my stomach, and in my mind, it's clearly turning green. This happens at the beginning, when I'm starting to recognize that my pain is from an accidental gluten ingestion.
2. "dishrag stomach"
Another visualization as the pain increases. It's a very specific pain, and feels as though someone is trying to wring out my stomach, like a dishrag. It's a bizarre, twisty feeling that is very recognizable and much worse than run-of-the-mill indigestion or monthly menstrual cramps.
3. "gagginess - preparing for vomiting"
Although I have yet to throw up from a gluten attack, it's always bad enough that my body keeps this as a good option to take. My stomach goes to work coating my esophagus, just in case. I can feel it at the back of my throat, which sets off my gag reflex pretty consistently.
4. "gassiness"
Self explanatory.
5."unusual midsection noises"
As if my stomach were trying to actually vocalize something, like, "This is not my normal digestion process, because antibodies are screaming at me and I can't get any work done!!"
6. "achy joints and muscles from trying to stop pain"
The pain starts at my stomach, and constantly feels like it's getting bigger. My entire body kicks in to try and keep it contained to my stomach, and the stress eventually makes everything ache, kind of like I'm having an onset of the flu. It's getting pretty bad at this point - so much so that even my handwriting is getting worse.
7. "tired and cranky"
I've obviously written this after I've put myself on the couch. While sleeping isn't easy in this condition, it's something my body orders me to do. The one thing my brain keeps telling me is to shut down my system for a while so healing can happen before I reboot and try again.
8. "chills and worse pain"
This is the last note. I pulled a fleece blanket out from behind a pillow on the couch and shivered in front of the TV.
So the good news is that this whole process takes anywhere from two to three hours. While it's awful the whole time, it's not enough to derail my entire day. But it does make me pretty nonfunctional, and the most incredible thing I keep thinking of is that for 15 years, I lived with these symptoms EVERY DAY.
I'm not writing this for pity or sympathy - like I said, the fault is really mine for not clearly communicating my dietary needs. But I think it's important to try to spell things like this out to people who can't quite understand, and especially to people who are skeptical that food intolerances even exist. (Yup, they're out there.) There are celiacs currently living with the condition that don't know it, and that have symptoms even worse than this. Living with this disease for years can make you a tired person with little energy for anything. Living with the disease for decades can cause people to suffer neurological symptoms like migraines and even seizures.
I'm fine today - if anything, the relief that goes away after an attack is enough to propel you into a fabulous mood.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
It has been surprisingly blustery here the past few days. It's cruel. You get a week of 70 degree weather, all the windows in your house are open, and you think, "Finally! I can shut off the heat!" Then the next day you wake up and walk into the living room and it is FREAKING FREEZING! The sun is out, which means the 45 degree weather may climb a few degrees, but YIKES.
So I'm considering trying my second attempt at pho tonight - it's a lovely, brothy way to warm up. Once the broth has simmered to its full flavor, it's easy to throw in meat, onions, and rice noodles - then you're good to go. And as I sit here hunched over by my computer, with a fleece tucked around me, I can think of nothing but it.
The weather may be different where you are. (Especially since it's MAY.) So, what's for dinner?
Friday, May 21, 2010
Okay, so I've been mysteriously absent from cyberspace. I didn't miss it - I probably check my un-updated blog more than anyone else.
The truth is I've had a tough couple of months. There's been money stuff, diet stuff, BIBS stuff (that's Body Image Bull S**t for those who aren't up on my super cool acronyms), and audition stuff. All of the above also lead to depression stuff, which is something that I have been fortunate enough to avoid for the vast majority of my life. When it shows up, however, I'm never quite sure how to deal with it. It's been overwhelming, and even though I've not ever been at a loss for what to talk about, every time I sat down at the computer everything rushed together at once and clogged the pipes.
I finally figured out that over the next couple of months, I have some seriously good things to look forward to. I'm going to have the opportunity to travel - two festivals at the Oregon Coast, two weeks in Salem, and my beloved Gold Coast festival in Los Angeles, with enough good friends and good music to get me re-energized for the coming year. I get to see some of my dearest friends in a little less than a week. And with the downtime over the summer, I am planning to take in some serious nature. Not to mention that a little less than a month away marks a year of marriage for me and T. We're also planning to travel that day and zip up to Seattle for a baseball game.
I need to remind myself that I've made it through lean summers before, and I've found several low cost activities that have kept me busy: reading, hiking, practicing, cleaning, knitting, cooking, and attempting to learn a little more HTML to feebly keep up my web savviness. Plus I'm managing to poke out some vegetable plants with my balcony garden... they will get a lot of love as well.
So onward and upward! And pretending that the rain outside is not happening and that we're just reliving that week of sunshine we had last week.
The truth is I've had a tough couple of months. There's been money stuff, diet stuff, BIBS stuff (that's Body Image Bull S**t for those who aren't up on my super cool acronyms), and audition stuff. All of the above also lead to depression stuff, which is something that I have been fortunate enough to avoid for the vast majority of my life. When it shows up, however, I'm never quite sure how to deal with it. It's been overwhelming, and even though I've not ever been at a loss for what to talk about, every time I sat down at the computer everything rushed together at once and clogged the pipes.
I finally figured out that over the next couple of months, I have some seriously good things to look forward to. I'm going to have the opportunity to travel - two festivals at the Oregon Coast, two weeks in Salem, and my beloved Gold Coast festival in Los Angeles, with enough good friends and good music to get me re-energized for the coming year. I get to see some of my dearest friends in a little less than a week. And with the downtime over the summer, I am planning to take in some serious nature. Not to mention that a little less than a month away marks a year of marriage for me and T. We're also planning to travel that day and zip up to Seattle for a baseball game.
I need to remind myself that I've made it through lean summers before, and I've found several low cost activities that have kept me busy: reading, hiking, practicing, cleaning, knitting, cooking, and attempting to learn a little more HTML to feebly keep up my web savviness. Plus I'm managing to poke out some vegetable plants with my balcony garden... they will get a lot of love as well.
So onward and upward! And pretending that the rain outside is not happening and that we're just reliving that week of sunshine we had last week.
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